I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
