I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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