I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
