I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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