He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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