Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
