I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
