My underwear smells like fireworks.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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