Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
