hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
