at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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