I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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