...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
