Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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