dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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