My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
