he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
