Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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