Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
