he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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