Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
