Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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