I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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