If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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