You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
