Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
