once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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