you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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