Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
