Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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