And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
