somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
