where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
