It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
