ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
