I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
