peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
