He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
