I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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