am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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