so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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