we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
