According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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