I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
