He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
