I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
