I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
