Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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