Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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