I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
