I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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