Duck Duck Cougar?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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